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Anon plays GTA V (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 174 points 1 year ago (23 children)

anon discovers depersonalization and maybe an undiagnosed mental health issue that’s been ongoing for some time

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  • [–] 69 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    There is a big difference between a conceptual moment of abstractive thinking with expanded perspective, and someone that feels native to such an experience with no alternative.

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  • [–] 24 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    Anon presented this as an a/b change, not a conceptual moment. That is a person who found a framework for depersonalization to take its footing in, even if it’s presented in a silly manner. There is not a prerequisite that states it must be pervasive enough to be the point of “no alternative” to be valid, that is asinine

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  • [–] 11 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    A "moment of Epiphany" and "imagining myself" are an abstraction of imagination and not an a/b change.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    An abstraction of imagination that results in a complete loss of inhibition?

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  • [–] 13 points 1 year ago*

    Hyperbole is a common form of expression in abstractive thought. It is a problem I've dealt with a lot in my life. Complete loss can still have many meanings in terms of the layer of inhabitation the person is referring to. They could be referring to their own internal perception of social anxiety, decision making, or an overall perception of their potential to actuate meaningful change in their life. Given the context of 'talking to random NPCs', the most likely meaning is a loss of social anxiety.

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago* (9 children)

    What if I treat life like playing GTA, but I am also the kind of person who follows traffic rules the vast majority of the time while playing GTA, and mostly just likes to do taxi type missions and occasionally race cars and bikes?

    Normalish person?

    Or... double psychopath, lol?

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    i got some bad news

    how do you feel about trains?

    did your mom really like Tylenol growing up?

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago* (4 children)

    Oh, I am well aware I am autistic, I come from a long line of train-obsessed men, grandpa literally had his own model set the size of two queen or king mattresses that he custom made himself, dad was a mechanical dork, and I am a software envineering dork who loves to play or mod or make games into as close to a complex immersive sim as possible.

    Don't know why you think that's 'bad news', or has anything to do with Tylenol tho, I guarantee I'm better at any kind of engineering or data modelling/analysis than you, lol.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    it’s a joke about being an Acetaminophen American in this current silly political climate not meant as an insult sorry

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Apology accepted, I ... am a bit more on edge than usual about my autism due to the, you know, historical parellels with Nazis literally genociding autistic people, and RFK Jr saying all mentally disorded people should be sent to farm labor camps.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    How does one know if they are afflicted with depersonalization? Wikipedia left me confused.

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

    More or less, do you live your life as you, directly...

    ...or do 'you' more like, live your life in 3rd person, in your own head, as a kind of narrator or detached observer/commentator of what you are actually doing?

    This is very rough and far from exact, but maybe that is a way of phrasing it that makes sense?

    Its a kind of... detachment from your identity to the point that one sense of you does and feels things, but the other sense of 'you' is... above or outside of that, and that second 'you' is the perspective most of your internal monologue or thoughts... take place from.

    Like uh, 'you' are not you, 'you' are embodying and attempting to direct and control a thing that looks like you, sort of like in a simulation or game or novel.

    The severity and frequency which to you dissociate into you and 'you' are important:

    It is totally normal to take a step back from time to time and try to look at yourself from an imagined objective perspective, or from the imagined perspective of another, as a way of self-analysis or reflection or self-critique or attempting to sympathize with someone else...

    ... but if this is your default, if you are basically always doing this, at all times, 24/7, to the point like you feel more like a pilot of a meat puppet...

    You may want to see a therapist.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    I imagine myself as someone else. Or sometimes a better version of myself. I imagine i'm not alone as I have only ever really been alone. I'm very aware it's not real. It never felt real enough anyway. I'm guessing that's not the same thing? It's not all the time, but fairly often.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago* (2 children)

    Yeah that... does sound sort of in the same ballpark.

    I would say that is... potentially concerning, but I am not qualified to make a diagnosis.

    You being aware that you are doing the sort of ... 3rd personing of yourself... that does not mean you are not depersonalizing, not derealizing.

    The fact that you are aware, I would think that would actually narrow it down more precisely to being depersonalization.

    The main thing is a sense of identity so weak that you basically just invent another one on top of it, if that makes sense, that just sort of observes the first identity, or as you say, you just make up a new one and pretend to be that person.

    On a less clinical note, I am genuienly sorry to hear that and would offer you a hug =(

    I have been quite depressed before, and ... yeah, hug.

    It sounds like you've been through a lot of trauma.

    For what its worth, you are still here, and some layer or level of you is still typing out your messages, so... you are still here.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    I'm not really sure what to say. I'll say I know who I am, I know what I want, and I have no issue with being able to tell fantasy and reality apart. It was always an escape for me. As for trauma, I think I always dismissed it because I knew people who had it way, way worse and I didn't think it was even a fair comparison. I am very depressed and the situation in my country has only made that worse. For me, the loneliness is probably the worst part. I don't have any friends and I don't really connect with my family. I am however here as you said, and I am aware of who I am. I don't say any of this because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, It just helps me understand myself and the world better. Thank you.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago*

    You don't need to say anything, friend, just try and take care of yourself.

    You sound ... you remind me of me some years ago.

    CPTSD, would be my guess, though I am obviously potentially projecting here... my guess is you've been surrounded by malignant narcissists, they've destroyed your conception of self worth and identity, nothing is ever good enough for them, and they never do any good for you that doesn't come with many strings attached.

    Either way, be my guess accurate or not: Your trauma is valid, you are valid, you may not believe it, but you are worthy of being loved, treated with basic decency.

    Not that those things are guaranteed to you... but you are worth them, and people who do not give them to you are not worth your time or attention.

    I would suggest you attempt to hold yourself to a basic light excercise routine as well as some kind of creative outlet hobby... draw, sing, make videos, write stories or analyses or code, grow a garden, learn to tailor or embroider or knit...

    Hell, literally this morning I saw a 62 yo man sitting alone with a yo yo.

    Turns out he's quite good with that yo yo, and we got to talkin', I was literally just intrigued by seeing a yo yo, last time I saw one of them was from an old middle school school assembly that started a yo yo craze.

    Turns out he's a cancer survivor, went through an absolute shit couple of years, chemo and saline all the time, no friends or family to really help out...

    Doctors told him he had a year to live...

    ... 4 years ago.

    Seems to be in full remission now, his blood work is incredible, doctors couldn't believe it, and this guy, he's a pretty chipper old fella if you just let him go on about his old jobs, his hobbies, his woes and his perspective.

    Like him, and his yo yo, you can bounce back too.

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