Exactly this. Your job as an ally is to be angry when the oppressed need to keep the peace. Oftentimes, oppressors will blatantly oppress, then claim to be the victim when then oppressed gets angry and starts talking back. They hide behind decorum, and use it as a shield. Additionally, they’ll use the angry actions as justification for oppression.

When the oppressed needs to maintain decorum, it’s the ally’s job to get angry. The ally doesn’t fit into any of the boxes that the oppressor would otherwise use to villainize the oppressed.

As an example, here is what happened when Representative Keith Self intentionally misgendered Rep Sarah McBride. We see this exact scenario play out in real time. Self misgenders McBride, an openly transgender representative. McBride returns a simple “thank you madam” as a joke, but otherwise doesn’t react to it. Because she recognizes that anything she does will be used to further villainize trans people and justify their oppression. Self will use it to paint McBride as an unreasonable snowflake liberal. Instead, Rep. Bill Keating is the one to call out Self. Keating, a straight white middle-aged man, can’t have his identity weaponized against him. So he’s the one to go to bat in McBride’s place. He demands that Self explain his actions, and refuses to back down until Self does so. When Self realizes his “bait the anger” tactic worked against him by baiting the wrong person, he retreats by immediately ending the meeting.