Asking once it's a request, continuing to push is harassment.

Whomever this person is continuously asking needs cool their jets.

As for you being the asshole? This comes across like other people have said, kind of odd. If you don't care, then why are you here just bringing it up like a gossip? It's not like you got called out by someone at work getting mad at you for not caring.

NTA - He's cheating, if not physically (yet) definitely emotionally, and a big part of him has already checked out.

it's very possible that the reason he's not putting the effort into the relationship is that he already has a foot out the door, he's just looking to trade up...

Sorry...but it's probably time... Get your shit together, separate your affairs, and make a break. (probably in that order to make it easiest)

I feel like in this case honesty may have been the better part of valor, however maybe it was framed badly... (shoudln't hve been a joke, etc)

I don't think he was an asshole, as the usual connotation is being intentially hurtful..he wasn't... Bur carelessly hurtful is no small thing...

I agree with the below commenter, learn the lesson, move on.

I think this is just something that is important to know. She does not see it as cute or funny. Likely its not a good person to date. If she laughed it off you are more likely to have a good realtionship from her side if you did not mention it it would gel better for her. be happy you not wasting your time.

I'd want to know. But I think you phrasing it as flirty is the problem. She didn't consent to you seeing, so it's not a sexy thing, it's an embarrassing accident. The creep thing comes from that.

Yeah, NTA on this one.

Maybe a little in need of an expanded awareness of the variability or what people can find unwelcome, but that's not an asshole thing.

In general, it's better not to draw attention to someone's body until and unless they've expressed a preference in an overt way. Even men tend to get a little sketched out when a new acquaintance makes note of their body, especially when it's part of the body that's sometimes considered intimate or private. Boobs tend to fit that category of intimate or private, so it's best to avoid drawing attention to them until you know a person very well and know that it will be welcome

YTA , but I feel by mistake/misunderstanding, not intentionally. Cant stress enough that i dont think you were intentionally being a dick. We all do stuff that we think is kind hearted and funny, but turns out to be hurtful to someone else. It happens, but what matters is what you take from the situation afterwards and I feel this post alone shows that your self reflecting and desire to understand their side of the conflict better, so as a whole, NTA.

Personally, as a woman myself, that text would have made me feel objectified in the situation you described. I, again personally, would have felt hurt and upset that after a nice video call getting to know each other the moment that stuck in your mind the most was an accidental glance at my breasts and that it then lingered in your mind enough to text about it, especially early in a relationship where intimacy may not have been explored, yet. In that situation, i would have personally hoped details about me as a person, not my physical being, stuck with you first and foremost.

Parts of her physical being were shown that she didnt mean to, or wanted, to show. As a broad take with nuance, I feel that if someone sees/hears/learns something, accidental or not, that they clearly were not supposed to have known about, and that information violates someones sense of privacy and/or autonomy, then they need to treat that information as if they never had it in the first place. I feel it can almost be compared to HIPA policy in the U.S. where medical professionals legally cant discuss your medical details with others without your approval. I know my doctor has seen my bare body, but I trust that they wont share with others what theyve seen or discuss with me details about myself that dont align with the medical-based relationship i have with that doctor (i.e. saying he feels a lump in my breast vs my breast feels soft).

I don't know enough about you to call you that, but I'll say it was a learning moment and hope you took the lesson.

The emoji probably didn't help.

NTA, but clearly socially awkward. Most ppl wouldn't even be bothered by that and probably wouldn't have mentioned unless there is a high risk it can happen to her in a formal video call. And then one would bring it up ASAP as a warning via DM and avoid words like "flashed". You disclosed it was a big deal for you. Not in a negative way, but still enough for her to be weirded out.

Personally I would have already considered the Thailand girl cheating. Dump his ass.

Well, you are not the asshole for considering breaking up with this person.

Confront him.

Have a serious as shit talk.

You sound very caring, but sometimes people need a cold bucket of water in the face. Speaking from experience, he needs one. Discuss the future.

Good partners don’t grow on trees, so of course you want to try and hold on. But if your relationship can’t survive a serious conversation like this, if he isn’t willing to change and get a hair more serious about where things are going, then it’s either already over or you two face a miserable future together.

EDIT: And this goes the other way, too, if there’s anything bothering him.

NTA. You can really break up over anything. There's no threshold of behaviour and you don't need to justify to anyone but yourself.

That being said you seem to be doing all of the mental, emotional and actual labor in this relationship. If you are partners there should be an equitable split of tasks. This doesn't seem that way at all. Unfortunately some men still have this idea that the women in their lives (mom, wives, girlfriends) should do everything for them. He needs to learn that isn't the case. So either dump him or set an ultimated and if he doesn't help dump him. It's not going to get better on it's own.

Being scared to leave is normal. You have to give up what you have, what you are used to, what you're comfortable with in a way. It's easier than facing the unknown. But that is the only way to grow. The alternative is slow stagnation. Life is too short for that.

Have you considered not sharing a household and/or finances with your partner? I almost blew it with a guy I really love because I tried to maintain a common household and finances the way they work for me while he has other preferences. I stored up a lot of frustration for a while and eventually broke up with him. Then I figured we could just keep our daily lives more separate, and we got together again. We share a lot and help each other out, but each partner gets to experience their personal level of hygiene, order, noise level, pet ownership, time management ... the list of things where our preferences are similar, but differ enough to create a grating co-living experience is endless. Also, now when we meet our relationship is in focus and we spend quality time together, instead of randomly guessing whether the other wants interaction. Disclaimer: I prefer my independence to my comfort, so I live very simple and low-cost. The two-households option might not be available when you are paying horrid rents where you live and are not willing to move into a shed, boat, van, tiny house or tent in the woods.

If he wanted to change, he would. If he wanted to do his fair share of the household needs, he would. He’s fine with you being a little unhappy and the occasional fight if he can maintain this lifestyle most of the time.

I don't know what money's like for you two, but couple's counseling sounds like it would be useful. Get in a room with a mediator, talk about your feelings, etc.

It could be that you're doing things and feeling overwhelmed by them, and he literally doesn't even know you're doing them. I'm not saying that makes it okay, but it is the kind of thing you'll talk about in counselling and when you're talking through your side of the story it might shock him that these things have been going on. And then it's on him whether or not he changes from that.

One thing that can be a common source of friction between any groups of people is different standards and thresholds. Like, how many dishes is too many dishes. It may be that while you were gone he maintained the kitchen to his standard, which worked fine for him, but that many dishes would be considered unacceptable by your standards. And so in your day to day life, you're always the one doing dishes because when you walk by the sink you go "I should really do something about this", and when he walks past it he might not even notice them because there are "barely any". And then you've done something with them, he doesn't notice that either, and they never get to the level where he'd feel naturally inclined to do anything. This results in you always doing dishes, without him making a conscious choice of "screw her, dishes are her job"

But, figuring that out doesn't necessarily mean it can be solved. There could be chore rotations, like one might do between roommates, that may work for you or may not, depending on how he feels about this and how you feel about managing that. Neither of you want it to feel like nagging, but clearly waiting for natural impulse to kick in doesn't work.

So talking through things in a controlled space can make things clearer, and there may be strategies to address these things, but ultimately if coming to meet in the middle isn't comfortable for either of you, then it may be too much work to maintain a lifestyle together and you might have to make the painful choice to stop trying, for your own health.

Intermittent rewards is a hell of a trauma bond.

no ,you are mistaken ,it worked for us ,he was the fist person that something click immediately,the ccomunication was easy and natural .this isn't the case about the age and youth,just about two different person.

It is domed but the hope is the reason I try so much

NTA.

My relationships tend not to last, I'm amazed you put up with this for five years including taking a six month break. He doesn't sound that in to you and that he might leave you for what he sees as a "better deal" when it happens.

While a 25/32 age gap isn't a big deal, the original 20/27 age gap when you met is a bit suspicious to me, maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn't. What I do see is that if your youth was one of the reasons he was into you, your youth is fading and he might not hang around for who you become.

I think your issue would be better suited to a relationships discussion group as you're always allowed to consider leaving a partner without being the asshole. Given the five years investment, if you do still like this guy, you could attempt therapy to establish communication where you get what you need from the relationship.

For sure,but maybe after he loses me he will make it right for another girl.

I tried this in beginning with the treating to go ,but didn’t work and wasn’t like to manipulate just it was enough for me ,but he stoped me every time and we tried to worked better.the impulse worker for some of time and after that he repeated the same pattern.For sure now is better but not enough. Maybe to leave is the right thing to do for me,but I’m scared .

He really try his best,but it isn’t enough. I will check it for sure.