Lol this was my experience with a weird 'family business' in the UK, they rejected (or at least tried to) my letter of resignation, took offence that I hadn't given them prior notice so they could start the recruitment process to replace me, it was all very strange.

Commercial photographer here, shot for big brands and independents, with some super-fucking-expensive stylists. Never used anything like that, with the exception of coffee brands using whipped face cream instead of edible cream because it lasts much longer on set and they don't give a fuck. Brands like McDonalds have learned from being sued, and document the whole process, weighing each ingredient so they can prove it's real. The reason it looks fake as fuck is that they spend ~30 mins assembling one burger with tweezers and pins and hand-selected pieces of salad etc, syringes to pipe the sauce exactly where they want it etc.

Knitting stuff fron the 50s, glassware from the 60s, and probably a load of crockery/kitchen stuff that is at least 20 years old. My speakers and amps are 80s (although they have new cones) and guitar stuff from around the millennium.

Don't fucking marry her you idiot.

My 128GB DDR4 Corsair kit went up to like 900

Hmm, I have only used them on backpack straps, and it works well for me mounted high on the chest, as long as there is enough counter weight on the bag and the straps are relatively tight it stays tight to your body when moving around. Even works well with a silly long lens like the RF800mm. You can even remove the safety release for easy one handed access. YMMV of course.

The Peak Design camera clips are neat for when you want fast access without it bouncing around, and happen to be wearing a backpack, great for hiking/biking. I've not found any kind of strap I can tolerate.

The craft I'm paying for is in the taking of the photos, processing is subjective and isn't going to transform a shitty photo into a gorgeous one. Your restaurant comparison is shitty, it would only make sense if I was asking to just plate the food myself.

They were boring because of the lens choice and lack of effort/skill of the photographer. Processing isn't going to do anything to change that.

I found a guy willing to chuck me RAWs for a lower price, still felt a bit ripped off. He shot 90% of the day on a walkabout zoom and the photos were nothing special.

Zooming with your feet (and switching primes) is part and parcel to events photography. If I see a zoom lens at a wedding I will judge the photographer.

Nice shots but if you're wanting gorgeous candid shots of fast moving action (like weddings/events), you're gonna struggle without the expensive glass/body.