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Uganda Special Ops Commander asks Turkey for $1 billion and a wife (www.sozcu.com.tr)
submitted 7 months ago by to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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Muhoozi Kainerugaba, son of the President of Uganda and Commander of the Special Operations, said that they would cut off all diplomatic relations within 30 days if their problems were not resolved, by attempting to threaten Turkey.

Expressing his support for Israel, Kainerugaba stated that the Ugandan army was ready for an operation. He described Israel as "Holy Land" and expressed their ability to provide military support.

Kainerugaba expressed that he demands at least $1 billion from Turkey for a possible settlement, and also said that he wants the most beautiful woman in Turkey as a wife.

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[+] 65 points 7 months ago (3 children)
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    • [–] 46 points 7 months ago

    lol this guy gets it. After all the crazy shit Trump has done, nothing is off limits in diplomacy anymore. "Give me a wife, ten camels and a pepperoni pizza or I will invade your country in the name of Israel"

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    [–] 34 points 7 months ago (16 children)

    Dear Turkey, I would also like a billion dollars and a wife? Please tell me it wasn't as simple as that all this time?

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  • [–] 17 points 7 months ago (11 children)

    Just include proof of your status as a warlord of an area commanding billions in natural resources, along with two forms of ID.

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  • [–] 19 points 7 months ago (6 children)

    My yard does have a surprising number of trees.

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  • [–] 5 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    I have big leaf aspen, quaking aspen, white aspen, maple, oak. Not in that order. Then witch hazel and black cherry, not the good kind, in the understory. Which are very small trees, a few pines, a couple of strong stands of all Pines, white pines, a little spruce but all the Pines in the deciduous forests are sickly and they die for no apparent reason. Also a couple of one off Burch and Beach, The Birches sickly, the beach is strong but not much of it.

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  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    If they're mature and you can find someone to illegally cut them down, /r/treelaw has taught me that you might actually have millions in damages :)

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  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Did I mention I THINK there's crude oil and gold underneath the trees?

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  • [–] 5 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    No problem, I have GIMP installed.

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    • [+] 33 points 7 months ago (2 children)
    [deleted]
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    • [+] 27 points 7 months ago (1 child)
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    • [–] 35 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (5 children)

    We can do that? Then I demand from the United States $1B and I'll be taking your smartest genius for a spouse. I'll be taking it from their war chest and somehow redistributing it to the people directly. That way if they genuinely want this war they can have it, and I won't have disenfranchised anyone. Meanwhile me and my incredible wife will work on other major life goals.

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    [–] 13 points 7 months ago

    Have fun dying for Israel

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    [–] 6 points 7 months ago

    Eh it's going to take longer than that to find the most beautiful woman in Turkey, there's so many!

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    [–] 3 points 7 months ago

    Crazy people doing crazy things

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    [–] 5 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    Based

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    [–] 1 point 6 months ago

    With or without moustache?🤣🤣

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