If only there were several common explanations for suddenly finding your self somewhere with no idea how you got there, obviously teleporting and cracks in reality are a much more plausible than acknowledging you have a drinking problem or going to a professional to get diagnosed with some mental disorder.

I've teleported myself to a coffee shop before. One minute I was at the bar drinking heavily and at some point after my 14th rum and coke I suddenly found myself at a Tim Hortons.

Alcohol plays fun games with the mind.

Can you believe that I've never been to a waffle house?

Only crazy people and republicans come up with stuff like this.

That's called a blackout

My dad was an alcoholic for fifty years. Learn to recognize the signs. Teleporting to a Waffle House is a big one.

One minute I’m ordering my drink and the next I’m 50 miles away 8 hours later at a waffle house with 5 people I’ve never met before.

It can’t be explained.

This isn't even a new euphemism for blackout DWI. From what I've read teleportation and alien abductions stories are not uncommon excuses.

I'm guessing Ambien

"Teleporting is no fun”

Yeah, you wake up feeling nauseous, dehydrated and with a massive headache.

The "maple syrup" he puts on his waffles.

You just know SNL is gonna have a skit tonight on this.

https://deusex.fandom.com/wiki/FEMA

Yes, Gregg, we all know what blacking out is like.

I know some people that can help you with this.

https://smartrecovery.org/

How can you pack so many high level idiots in a single country? truly a feat.

I bet he's gonna teleport away some funds.

Anyone who was a party animal worth their reputation during their early twenties eventually ends up past midnight at a greasy spoon. Chowing down on comfort food trying to sober up and keep the contents of their stomach down. With them waking up in the morning hungover and little to no memory about what transpired over the course of the last twelve hours, give or take.

Nothing is too stupid for 2026!

Where does that land on the Waffle House Index?

I find Ambien gives me the same abilities he's describing.

Unfortunately the effects are only temporary.

I haven't figured out how to teleport without Ambien, yet.

I was with my boys one time, and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House

this was in Georgia

Being in Georgia, I mean.

I almost feel sorry for these sane USians who have to live there during Trump reign 🤣

His car was lifted up and transported to a ditch 40 miles away...

Next we'll have the ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage running a government agency

That's just fancy talk for an addiction to dissassociative drugs like ketamine in my opinion.

So he gets blackout drunk and drives to Waffle House.