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[–] 33 points 8 months ago (6 children)

My wife got one of these tortoises. It was so cute 8 years ago. Now it fucking 60lbs and growing! Don't get one of these without looking them up first. My favorite line from the care sheet. It says, if you don't mind mucking up after a pony....

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  • [–] 30 points 8 months ago (4 children)

    And will probably live longer than you.

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  • [–] 26 points 8 months ago (3 children)

    Frankly an average tortoise has a good chance of outliving your grandchildren.

    150 years is not an unreasonable upper bound for their lifespan, for the larger species.

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  • [–] 10 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 child)

    Fun fact due to this and weird political incidents a tortoise was the only creature to survive the Crimean war. Basically the war declaration included a town in Britain which is a part of Britain but not in Britain. Said town was not included in the peace treaty, as a result technically the war went on for over 200 years between Russia and this town even though fighting stopped way earlier. A tortoise was on one of the ships at the start and was still alive when this town signed it own peace treaty with Russia. Since it went on for 200+ years, no human survived the entire thing making this tortoise the only known survivor.

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  • [–] 12 points 8 months ago*

    Cool turts don't look at explosions!

    Also, she prob isn't scared of the fire, she is running away from that sus Mario-looking pipe over there! Run!!

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  • [–] 7 points 8 months ago

    Strong shell and feets for marching!

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  • [–] 6 points 8 months ago

    Video: https://inv.nadeko.net/watch?v=7etv_-Rnub4

    Pretty great slip from the anchor saying, "The fire started inside the shell... inside the shed..."

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  • [–] 6 points 8 months ago

    Unmute to hear the tortoise cursing

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  • [–] 5 points 8 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 2 points 8 months ago

    I'm really surprised no one photoshopped in a Mario with the fire flower

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  • [–] 2 points 8 months ago

    Slow news day?

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  • [–] 2 points 8 months ago

    Your tortoise overlords HATE this one simple trick!

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  • [–] 1 point 8 months ago

    The only witness huh? Sounds like an inside job to me

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