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Health Experts Warn Americans Not Sensually Eating Enough Fruit (theonion.com)
submitted 9 months ago by to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 12 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Best I can do is drink a smoothie made from frozen berries because nothing is really in season right now

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  • [–] 14 points 9 months ago (2 children)

    You just gotta work it. Treat that straw in ways that would make your parents ashamed of you.

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    • [–] 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)

    I tongue fucked an olive earlier, does that count?

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    • [–] 6 points 9 months ago (3 children)

    Given the state of the government and the US CDC, I’ve been eating so many onions, I have an ulcer now.

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  • [–] 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

    ...battered and fried in beef tallow? :p

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  • [–] 5 points 9 months ago* (1 child)

    Hey, I was already sensually eating junk food.

    Seriously, though, I would not put it past this CDC to try to sell me some bullshit woo about how activating endorphins whilst eating fruit unlocks some quantum vitamins or something.

    Am I crazy or does that sound within the realm of possibility for them?

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    • [–] 4 points 9 months ago

    You should see me eat a banana.

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