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[–] 121 points 11 months ago (9 children)

This really smashed my dick with a hydraulic press

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  • [–] 22 points 11 months ago* (3 children)
  • [–] 8 points 11 months ago (4 children)

    And then ultimate-goatse my butthole with the jaws of life.

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  • [–] 6 points 11 months ago* (3 children)

    But then the next step absolutely sounded by urethra with Uralmash-15000 deep bore drill.

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  • [–] 87 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    Free top surgery if I read?

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  • [–] 45 points 11 months ago
    [–] 19 points 11 months ago

    Reductress is a hell of a website.

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  • [–] 12 points 11 months ago* (6 children)
  • [–] 4 points 11 months ago* (5 children)

    Idk if it's just the mobile version but that website is designed horribly, I spent five minutes simply trying to get the whole name of the song to show up, as I was curious how much of what was written above is in the song name, but no matter what you can't see it. Turning my phone sideways just made a thing on the side show up proportioning everything the same as before turning it sideways, the credits have the exact same issue with not showing the whole name, including while sideways, and I can't play the whole song since I need to sign up for the service. Idk how someone could make something worse than Spotify, but this definitely hit the mark.

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    For me (safari on iOS) a long press brings up an expanded title, although that song’s title is so unusually long I had to drag it to the far corner of the screen to see it all lmao

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    And you’re not going to share the results of your research??

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

    It does use the whole name lol, but it's turns out it's just a 30 second song with completely irrelevant lyrics that are tastelessly screamed to the most basic drumming you've ever heard. I honestly don't even remember if it was anything other than drums, if there was a guitar or bass it was equally as basic as the drums and tuned right into them. All in all, 1/10, and that's an overstatement.

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago

    Unfortunately for me a long press, while ultimately bringing up a new menu, still doesn't scroll to the end of the song name lol even with further swiping and holding and trying all sorts of things. I'm on duckduckgo through android.

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  • [–] 12 points 11 months ago

    I'm jacked! Jacked to the TITS!

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  • [–] 8 points 11 months ago

    I could not BELIEVE number 7!!

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  • [–] 7 points 11 months ago

    Help, now my manboobs have been blated off, everything is covered in blood and human fat tissue, and also I'm bleeding out!

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  • [–] 6 points 11 months ago

    Reference is from the Dirty Harry remake, Dirty Bastard.

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  • [–] 5 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    We dont use that phrase "blow your tits off" nearly enough. :)

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  • [–] 9 points 11 months ago

    If The Onion is an actually serious journalist website, this will be their type of headline. They'll fully embrace sensationalist headline without being clickbait.

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 5 points 11 months ago (4 children)

    What happens if you don't have tits? Or you do have tits, but are in another room when it's baking?

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    I mean, what happens if you don't have a left arm and try to chop it off with an axe?

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago
    [–] 1 point 11 months ago