And somehow the coke can has a higher kill count

I prefer coke can with lemon flavor type SCP

You forgot the third kind, A sentient sprite can who is an ontological reality restructuring supergod AI hybrid which can destroy the multi verse if its tab is ever cracked, whos containment requires no less than 5 time paradoxes, a trip to the noosphere with reality warping stabilizers, an obligitory doctor Bright or Nobody shout out, 45 minutes of real time reading a mid tales-from story, 15 new psudoscientific jargon words, and 3 rereadings to even begin to understand the story.

I prefer the coke can with lemon lime.

This is 999 slander and I will not tolerate it

Well now hang on there’s also [REDACTED]

Let's not forget ⬛ ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

beware the [REDACTED]

I always try to aim for euclids usually along the lines of "Just plain weird and kinda horrifying but not an existential threat to more than a few people at once, sometimes even helpful if in a way you wish it wasn't."

Existential Horror Toaster :D

Sooo undead crocodile or a can of sprite/7up.