It's exposition for the voices in my head.

Exactly, when I tell my therapist about the funny things I learned about psychology, it's just me saying stuff that I know now, how I think it's cool, and asking for further information. I'm well aware that he already knows far more on the topic. If you're explaining it with a tone of "you fucking idiot woman, I'm educating you", then that's mansplaining. Another important possibility, is just phrasing a question as a statement for clarification. Think of how a waiter will repeat your order back to you at a restaraunt. I do the same thing when I learn about a new concept. I repeat back what I think I understood about something to make sure I got it right. Tone is very important. If I don't sound like I'm trying to be a dick to you, then I'm probably not.

Yeah the intention is far easier to sus out when it's in person, especially with a known person. I'm a woman and I have ADHD and I do this to my husband all the time.

My partner has taught/trained me to ask "would you like to hear more?" before I info-dump on him.

Example: Me: "at work today I've been playing around with configuration settings for Primo VE, specifically the search scopes... Um... would you like to hear more?"

Response: "I'm glad you have an interesting problem at work and no, no thank you."

I am very guilty of asking people if they know about something then telling them anyway.

Too many cases of people confidently telling me they know about computers, point to the monitor and tell me it's a CPU, then proudly call the computer under their desk the hard drive. The only reason their "CPU" won't turn on being they need to press the power button on the monitor.

As a fellow autist, but also a cis woman person, I think there’s a genuine and clear difference between the two, but.. I viscerally understand infodumps when the other person already knows..

You gas yourself up so much to share the thing and they are like.. mmhmm. Deflation city. And it’s hard to stop yourself from sharing your own personal understanding of things with people, even if they can correct you, which you hope they will do if you are wrong, omg that would be amazing!

That contrasts so hard with the condescending “I know more than you” attitude. Because the things those dipshits pick to harp on are usually the more superficial aspects of the thing.

Like that’s nice, I’m glad you know the specific term for the thing, genuinely, now let’s proceed from our mutual understanding and iron out the details together!

But that’s really different from someone who talks over you, is wrong, won’t be proven wrong, don’t care or know all that much (like dunning kruger sort of thing)

I've had this experience before. I was excited to talk about what I learnt whilst volunteering for a war museum, and wanted to share my excitement with people. Got accused of Mansplaining. It really was upsetting, since I was just talking about a lovely experience and didn't want to upset nor offend anyone...

My brother in law is a guy who knows pretty much everything about everything. Pretty much any interesting topic you bring up, he'll have a deeper, more interesting conversation ready about that topic. This might sound annoying, but he's got a way of making it seem like you're discussing something you both already understand. Like, he isn't explaining things unless you ask, he'll say things like, "I'm sure you've already seen/heard of this", "Maybe you were the one who told me this, but...", (even when I'm pretty sure he knows I wasn't) etc. By giving you the credit for the information, it removes the feeling of him trying to be superior or condescending. This might still be mansplaining, I don't know. I'm a man, so maybe I have more of an ignorance for being mansplained to since I don't have to constantly put up with it, but this feels a lot more like a man explaining rather than mansplaining

That’s a great observation Nougat! Great job!

As someone with friends and family on the spectrum, my best tip:

Take a moment to breathe when you've completed a thought related to what you're explaining, and look at the other person to see if they have information to share, questions, or just to express what they know.

This helped a few folks pace themselves, and the break for others they believe helped in not appearing condescending.

Hope this helps!

Bingo, every fucking time. I'm literally just sharing whats in my head. You know, trying to communicate like a fucking person? Sorry you took that as me thinking you were stupid. Because now i definitely think you're stupid.

I definitely get the same sorta thing, you just gotta practice managing it. Usually I’ll say something like “I have many thoughts and don’t wanna mansplain but I don’t know your familiarity…” and then ramble. Context is important, and a lot of people also don’t know where we’re at or where we’re coming from so if we just bust down the door and start telling them how something is then that’s kinda on us to manage.

And if they don’t take the clear opportunities I give them to slow me down and then say I should have somehow known better I ask them how on earth I was supposed to know what they never shared. People will often chill out after that.

Noone ever really grows up, some people are just better at hiding it.

Same :c

you can ask if it's okay to share!

What was the deal with the Punic Wars again?

I will happily let someone go on about something that excites them because I get it. I feel like there are at least two different points being made here and each camp will not listen to the other.

I will hide out in my studio sometimes to get peace from my boyfriend. It's not that I don't love him. I adore him!! He's treated me better than any other man I've been with.

But we don't have conversations. It's a long standing issue with us that we are always working on. I listen to his monologues. Even if he has good intentions and asks about my day, most times I can't get even halfway through something I need to share off my chest before it distracts him and I'm listening to him for 3 hours. Sometimes he'll even ask, "you know what I mean?" "You get where I'm coming from?" And I'll take a breathe to speak aaaaand shut my mouth on it because he doesn't wait for a response.

It can be overwhelming but we talk about it respectfully in the end. I lie, sometimes I get overwhelmed and exasperated. Then he will knock or text me to talk things out. Sometimes he gets upset when I need alone time and then I go to him and we talk. We ultimately apologize to each other. He's an amazing man and he calls me his goddess. We put up with each other's bullshit because we are both imperfect and still come back together in the end and absolutely adore each other.

The difference in this particular post though, is my spouse wouldn't respond the way this dude did. Then again, I don't hinge my entire opinion on what woman on the internet says and what another man responds to it with. The warp and weft of gender, sexism, and neurodivergence, cannot be wrapped into one neat package of absolutes.

Everyone has their opinions but they can also all be at least a little right.

This isn't a you problem. You haven't been mansplaining. This is gender war shenanigans and people being sexist towards men in the name of feminism. Gender in western society is honestly cooked at this point.

If the reason you are giving information to a woman is not that you are assuming their ignorance based on the fact that they're a woman, you're not mansplaining. Period.

The sexist assumption is a core 'component' of the phenomenon.

Also, said assumption can be sex-related, but also all sorts of other things. That's why I've adopted the term "splaining" as an umbrella term for it. "Mansplaining" unfairly creates the misandric perception that only men do it, and that the only motivating assumption is 'because she's female'. Both are inaccurate. I myself have experienced this based on several different assumptions throughout my life, based on my sex, age, even where I live.

Is it 'splaining' to assume you know more than someone else on subject X because they're younger? Yes. Because they're white? Yes. Because they just started in an industry you've been working in for 10 years? No.

And so on.

I really hope this term catches on at some point, lol.

P.S. Also, an assumption as described above is literally mandatory for it to count. If I'm explaining something to you after you've overtly demonstrated your ignorance on that subject, or I'm correcting a demonstrably false statement, that's not any kind of 'splaining', regardless of what either person's sex/race/age/etc. is.

They're good dogs, Brent.

That's so cool you noticed that, Jiff! Eagle eyes over here...