i worry that I'll get to that stage. although, my meds are losing effect on me for now.

what did you do after the fear no longer motivated?

i do believe the heart is an organ

But also that's the thing, caffeine doesn't really have that effect on me. If i pop another 400mg after i'm out of bed then my pulse will go up somewhat, but then it's high to begin with (low-key never been able to properly relax in my entire life, my brain simply doesn't possess the function most of the time) so..