My work headset mic is broke again apparently. I have to use the mic built into the computer which works, but I don't like it nearly as much. Not sure why the headset mic randomly decides not to work for a month or two and then start working again.

Doing OK. Usual ups and downs.

My writing is improving and I'm getting a little traction on my newsletter. Its nice to see people responding and starting to share it. However, it comes at a cost of being in a quasi social media landscape. I promised myself to keep going and make a switch if I can (a) find an alternative space to publish essays or (b) land a gig at a publication aligned with my writing and interests.

My memoir of my early days in specialty coffee moved forward (thanks to everyone who suggested how to tackle a tough section). Almost done. Even got a title. My writing critique group is a joy. Reviews and comments helpful, delivered in a friendly tone. So refreshing after academic journal reviewers were my only critique experience.

Unemployment in my neck of the woods is near 10%. Still struggling with a discourse of "value = career, no job = useless" we Americans were beat over the head with from childhood. But finally getting over the end of academia.

Thanks for reading my rambling update. What a whirlwind! Now, coffee.

Finished the witch

Without trust, there is no free candy

Back in March I upgraded Pop OS and after that, weird performance problems started popping up. When trying to play Proton games, weird performance spikes started appearing, frame times were all over the place. This affected also regular software run using Wine, I got audio stuttering with Guitar Pro. I reinstalled Nvidia's drivers and even downgraded the kernel, but nope. I tried all kinds of performance tweaks, but nope.

Then I looked at udevadm's logs, and my computer's 20-year-old DVD drive appeared far too often. I shut down my computer, removed the drive and BAM – all those performance problems disappeared! Even Pop OS booted a lot faster! As the drive is connected through an IDE-SATA adapter, it may have created constant messages to the OS, even if it wasn't in use. That in turn strained the system.

Now I can finally game on my PC again and use Guitar Pro, feels as if a world is opened again.

Went to my first Renaissance Fair and concert on the same day. It was quite the day—fam bullshit, might've lost a connection w a good friend I was starting to get to know... But I did get to see some cool things. I really liked the Ren Fair—just unfortunate timing so we couldn't stay long. It was also my first concert. My brother got me merch. Danced in a mosh pit. Saw that most people were not wearing earplugs 😬 Had to leave early bc I'm not a night owl. I ended up being so wiped out.

Inner feelings-wise, I've been feeling impatient about "getting on with my life." Logically I know it's one step at a time, but my heart is just yearning for freedom and independence. I just feel like the odds are stacked up against me right now, or maybe it's just too daunting considering I just freaking started a job so I should prob just chill. ತ_ತ

But I feel like I can't. It's like I have these monumental tasks in my head that are stressing me out bc I can't just do them with the snap of my fingers. When did I get so impatient? Guess I'm just sick of my family's lifestyle. I'm looking at the future I want and dealing with the frustrations of the present.

I guess it's just human nature to find the next problem once you've taken a step forward. So I'm hoping this will all pass eventually. I'm planning on moving out in two years or so. (Kinda...cant just leave if I need to buy my own car and then aggressively pay it off.) Anyway, that's just some of the thoughts that have been going through my head recently, so I've been feeling pooped. Just needed to vent.

Hope everyone's had a good week.