Thanks!

I don't recall what kind of plushie he is. I can check the tag later. I knitted the chainmail years ago. Yes, it's real -- for a given value of real. It's made of stainless steel wire.

"Wrapped up like a douche, another boner in the night"

That’s why old fashioned door handles are brass: it has similar qualities (which people realized wayyyyyy before germ theory).

But Kwikset has Microban™ coating on their doorknobs! Surely you would rather have a thin layer of chemical coating that totally won't come off and give you cancer and the production of which absolutely doesn't poison fresh water. Why do you want giant corporations to have to spend extra money making doorknobs out of brass when they can use aluminum alloys, white-metal, dog leavings, and snot instead?

(I have no evidence Microban™ uses carcinogenic products, nor that its production pollutes the environment. I only have *gestures broadly at 300 years of industrialization and its affects* all of that)