you think it’s just a dumb barge with nothing on it? no telemetry, no guidance systems, just a chunk of shit floating in the sea?

Definitely not just a "chunk of sh*t", but I'd wager it's significantly easier to position a flat metal surface downrange than it would be to do the same with a massive tower + chopsticks.

so build a gantry, put out some outriggers for stability and stick yo silly fuckin chopsticks on these

That was actually kind of the plan for the former oil rigs, Phobos and Deimos, though they were eventually sold off a couple of years later.

this is nearly as silly as orbital data centers

Well, this is !spaceflightmemes. Silliness is kind of how we roll here :)