You have to nurture friendships with care. That looks different for everyone. But if you don’t ever show up, don’t reciprocate energy etc…the other person is going to feel that. It is a hurtful and draining experience for the other person over the long term. I’ve heard the term “energy vampire” which is one way these kinds of paradigms end up. I’ll always pivot for a friend because Ive made that kind of relationship a priority.

I know some people like that, and it's exhausting. They want support and want to vent, but when it's time to do the reverse they will have an excuse. Then they wonder why they rotate through friends quickly.

If I push through it and ignore my needs, I will have a meltdown and that's no fun for anybody. That being said, my friends are a priority and I'll always be there for them as long as I'm physically able.

This is why I avoid friendships with most people, they seemingly come with such long list of expectations that are completely unmanageable for me.

But I am le tired.

I think I'm a good friend. I have a few dozen friends or so (across multiple countries that I've lived) and I'm a man in my 40s. Men don't typically care about birthdays and stuff -- so it's not terribly hard. You reach out every now and again and have a chat and also when you're in town you make time.

Whenever I plan something I try to involve them and it doesn't happen often now that I'm a lot older. So, it's not particularly hard.

My friends don't always get back to me though ... those that do are the ones I've stayed friends with.

If it's important to you, you'll make time. If not, you'll make an excuse.

“nobody wants to work anymore” energy.

Whether or not I'm a good friend also depends on the friend's needs. If their needs are like mine, then they'll probably be content with what I'm ready to offer. If not, that's okay. Can't be everyone's friend anyway.

I liked having friends when I was a kid. Being friends with adults is complicated and exhausting.

I gave up.

We all have to thread the needle between showing up and maintaining our relationships and caring for ourself and not overdoing it.

That balance is unique to each of us. Do your best.

I am friends with people I do things with.

By never doing things I avoid having friends.

It’s really quite nice.

If I’m invited I’m 100% going, I just don’t get invited

I don't think the reasons why matter all that much. If someone's not coming to the shared experiences (a party, a get together, a nice chat, whatever) then they're not paying into the relationship.

I will send you memes and lend you money. Otherwise I try not to bother you.

Because classmate is not a friend?

I still feel terrible for not going to Buck's funeral

i do, i like being a friend most the time. I get excited when my friends talk to me or invite me out. And if they need to talk, I will always lend an ear.

A friend would understand. There is always tomorrow/next week. You should be celebrating your friends every day, not just their birthday.

The date doesn't matter, the person does.

You are my friend. It's your job to drag me to said party against my will.

Classmate's birthday? Of course not. Why go to a birthday party for someone who's just a classmate?

I'll go, but Imma be REALLY unpleasant the entire time. And you're GOING to ask me why I even came... But I'll do that for my friend.