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Is there a way to stop being gay? (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/depression_now@lemmy.world
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(POST EDIT: TRYING TO MAKE THE SITUATION LESS CONFUSING)

  1. Demigirl part (on my bio) is just my dissociation/emptiness feeling making me not have sense of my own gender;

  2. Yeah, I seem to be bissexual;

  3. This is the fourth school I've been on and I'm always bullied. Infact, they managed to get me on a written warning situation just today;

  4. Somehow, I ended with a crush on a girl from my church. I thought I was really bi and got all invested on it (thus the porn);

  5. But then I realized I also have crushes on EVERY. PERSON. that was nice to me and not my friend or relative. Which means my brother's friends, online friends...;

  6. And now I want help to stop.

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[–] 9 points 4 months ago

Not how that works. Get yourself into a room with one of those talking kinds of doctors and have a good chat about it, you'll be all right.

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    [–] 10 points 4 months ago (7 children)

    You poor thing, you fell for a self-loathing lifestyle. Which religion is it?

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 4 months ago (6 children)

    I'm not religious years ago. I mean as in I don't tend to be liked, so now I like anyone that shows affection for me.

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  • [–] 3 points 4 months ago (5 children)

    now I like anyone that shows affection for me.

    This comment reminds me of people I have found really inspiring. I hope this becomes a source of pride and joy for you, someday, if it isn't already.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 4 months ago (4 children)

    ... what?

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    Liking or loving easily makes a person vulnerable so it feels like a weakness - but the ability (or just tendency) to do vulnerable things is actually a kind of special strength.

    I had a dear friend who said similar to what your posted - how she liked anyone who showed her attention.

    She said it was a weakness.

    But I always saw it as a strength. I always wished - I still do - that I could learn to be more like her, in that aspect.

    I'm too afraid of being hurt, so I hide or suppress my feelings by instinct.

    My friend couldn't do that, but through that she blessed everyone around her.

    She always worried how it made her look - her close friends could tell how quickly she would grow affection for someone. She thought we looked down on her for it. But we admired her for it.

    Sorry I'm talking in the past tense because she got really sick, and we all still miss her terribly.

    But ways that she impacted my friend group live on.

    I like to think we all make new friends a little easier and show affection to those new friends a little more quickly, because of her love for us.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I mean liking as in having a crush, a love interest. Can't have anyone doing the slight thing to me without imagining myself having a date with them.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

    Yeah. That reminds me of my friend.

    She was embarrassed about it sometimes, but she was also at the heart of our friend group. I think those are related.

    I think it sometimes, maybe often, made her feel small and vulnerable.

    But she liked people quicker and better than I ever could. And she often did a better job than I could of telling people how she felt.

    She was a warm person trying to fit into a cold culture.

    I think she realized her own warmth was a strength, eventually.

    Now I try my best to let go and feel and show love the ways she did.

    Edit: To be clear - she would crush hard on someone new very quickly. Then she would share it and sometimes get ingored or hurt, or sometimes date for awhile and break-up.

    But whatever happened, if they didn't turn out to be total assholes, she chose to be an irrepressible friend toward them, afterward.

    She was always self conscious about the whole cycle - but we all admired her.

    We were pretty honest about that, but some people have a hard time accepting compliments.

    I learned a lot about how to be a better friend, from her.

    I wonder sometimes how her eventual husband (now widow) felt about her fan club of exes. I figure he must have been pretty confident - he would have had to be!

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    • [–] 5 points 4 months ago (5 children)

    I really don't understand. You thought you were gay but realized you are bi and then realized you are just attracted to anyone who is nice to you? You want to stop being attracted to anyone who is nice to you or specifically girls or what? I honestly don't see much of an issue with it as long as you don't let anyone take advantage of you. You just need to figure out how you want to relate to people.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 4 months ago (4 children)

    I don't want to be attracted to anyone who loves me. I also wanna stop my brain's brainwashing.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago (3 children)

    yeah im thats tough. attraction is something that is hard to overcome. many a gay person has wanted to not be gay and there are pedos who don't want to be that way. rewriting ones brain is kinda hard. I mean I would love if I could be hypnotized to like fiber more and sugar pretty much not at all with carbs being just alright. So I basically have nothing for you. sorry but hope you find equanimity.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 4 months ago (2 children)

    Maybe I should join one of these Gay Cure programs.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago* (1 child)

    Its well known those don't work. Although it made a great bit in that malcolm in the middl episode. Everyone has to walk their own path though. Ultimately this and everything will be your decision to make. Others can only advise at best. EDITED - hey and um some religious ones involving women have involved rape so be careful with that stuff. Usually that was an unrequested conversion but honestly you never know what some people get in their head its alright to do.

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    • [–] 5 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    Well i think before you can "fix" it you need to be sure why you feel bad about it in the first place. Is it society, family pressure, nervousness, post nut clarity/disgust (or whatever the girl equivalent of that is)? Like if you feel bad cause you feel like you just wanted to get off or do you feel bad because of what others might think of it.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 4 months ago (2 children)

    I don’t tend to be liked, so now I like anyone that shows affection for me. I'm not proud of it, it's a result of an illness, I'm not really gay then.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    I may be a little lost here. Your bio and post says you're bisexual, you got a crush on someone, watched some girl on girl porn cause this person was on your mind and now you're feeling down. I think your issue with this is less about being gay or any other sexuality and more about your affection to anyone that likes you. If you like someone and you get aroused by them thats totally fine. Theres nothing to be ashamed of there. You can still question why you like them and whether or not it's a fit for your life. Rubbing one out is a common tactic people use to determine if they want to pursue someone romantically/sexually. *

    In my opinion, if this frustrated you enough to watch some lesbian porn, you probably like girls at least a little bit. What it means to you only you can discover.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 4 months ago

    Wait, let me explain it. I know I may be confusing, even I am confusing to myself, I'll try my best:

    1. Demigirl part is just my dissociation/emptiness feeling making me not have sense of my own gender;

    2. Yeah, I seem to be bissexual;

    3. This is the fourth school I've been on and I'm always bullied. Infact, they managed to get me on a written warning situation just today;

    4. Somehow, I ended with a crush on a girl from my church. I thought I was really bi and got all invested on it (thus the porn);

    5. But then I realized I also have crushes on EVERY. PERSON. that was nice to me and not my friend or relative. Which means my brother's friends, online friends...;

    6. And now I want help to stop.

    I'll also put this on the post.

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