I'm happy to keep it public if only for the off chance that if we find a solution it might some day help someone else with the same issue. The thread'll fall down in the rankings naturally over time anyway so I wouldn't worry about polluting anything for people not actively seeking it out.
I'm not 100% sure how to find the OS version, but uname -a outputs [...]6.12.25+rpt-rpi-v8[...]. /etc/os-release contains "Debian GNU/Linux 12 (bookworm)". It should be whatever was latest as of a month or two ago when I installed the OS fresh.