I’ve been using Matrix with muh fam for a few years, and it’s been great.

My significant other puts up with my shenanigans and tests out different apps with me, and SimpleX has been pretty decent for a server-less option. I believe you can host your own node if you feel inclined to.

XMPP would be fantastic if the clients were a little better. They’re by no means bad, just not as polished as Element.