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what to do during suicidal episodes? (fedia.io)
submitted 1 day ago by to c/depression_now@lemmy.world
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hey y'all,

I don't get how I'm supposed to call a friend or a health line during a suicidal episode - I don't want anyone to talk me out of it, so why would I call them? I know I'm supposed to, but it is completely ridiculous at the time.

Background - I have post-natal depression as a man, so I live with my partner and our baby but I feel pretty much separated from her (though we are working on it). I don't trust my family or my friends, even the ones that have reached out to me with their own mental health stuff. I can talk about mental health stuff sometimes, but I can't seem to reach out during an episode - it feels embarrassing and pointless. The only thing that really helps and keeps me going is the sense of responsibility I have towards myself that I've promised to parent myself and take care of myself. So I do mirror talk every day, but often don't think of doing this during an episode.

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[–] [S] 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Thank you for writing this ❤️ The hard part for me is that when I'm in the episode I think about my kid and all I can think is that he's better off not having me around. I know it's BS whenever I think clearly, but it doesn't change the episode. I'll look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy though (someone else mentioned that), as I think this might help fix this thought pattern - I want to just be able to say "fuck you Steve" (I named my depression Steve).

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    My partner lost their dad and to be honest, he was a piece of shit, not a good dad at all, literally a massive drug user and abusive person, and it was still painful and damaging for my partner to lose him. To actually be better off not having you around you would have to be the kind of person who wouldn't consider anything that would harm themselves to benefit other people, like you would have to be so selfish you would never consider if you not being around would improve the life of your kid. The fact that you think about it makes it untrue. I can promise that your kid is better with you alive and hopefully you can do the CBT or other work to start to internalise that. Good luck.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 15 hours ago

    Thank you, my dad's abusive so I understand how hard that can be, and I promise I'm nothing like that. I know the depressive thoughts aren't true when I'm in a clear headspace. I am optimistic about CBT ❤️

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