Girl, you deserve the world and everything you desire in it. It sounds like you have held yourself back for far too long and practiced the mental gymnastics that allowed it to happen - which I totally understand. I remember when my dad thought a $150 brand new bike was too expensive but bailing out his new wife's son for $5000 was not. It made me see the world in a kind of twisted way.

You seem like you have your head on your shoulders in the right direction. Go forth and get what you need!