Taylor swift cuts the ribbon and hands me the keys to my new bathroom. Golden fixtures with carpet to match. They even found golden loofahs and shampoo.

"This isn't what I wanted", I said looking deposed.

"Turn the handle", she said knowingly.

Faster than I anticipated, my hand was already turning the knob. Glints of gold danced in my eyes as it effortlessly spun in my palm.

My efforts were immediately rewarded with a steady stream of smelly, salty liquid. A smile broke across my face. Looking back, Taylor was already gone, and for once, everything was okay.