Hi.

I'm M18. I've been rotting in my room for an entire year after high school ended. My parents want me to go to college but I can't make myself focus on studying no matter how much effort I put into it.

I don't know what degree I want, and I don't know if I even want to do anything at all. I've been battling with depression since 12 and I just can't see a path forward. My mind keeps making excuses for why I shouldn't do things, even though I know for sure that I should be pulling my shit together ASAP. My parents can't afford to have me being a dead weight forever, and I know I'm wasting my time, BUT I JUST CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DO ANYTHING

I'm autistic and have a bunch of sensibilities. I've tried finding jobs around me (rural Brazil) but most of them are manual work and I'm not entirely suited for that stuff (sorry if it sounds like I'm making excuses). I'm still looking but so far I've had no luck.

I'm studying the possibility of moving out to live with my dad somewhere else, but so far that's not happening.

TL;DR: common post-high-school panic