Because that would spiral out of control and I'd end up in the grave. Neutral is the best i can achieve under normal/long term conditions.

If I'd only take my own happiness/enjoyment into consideration at obsessive levels, then I'd completely forget any long term consequences and probably do drugs until my heart gives out or i end up on the street or dead due to being irresponsible.

The fact that others depend on me functioning normally is the only reason i function normally. Not that this functioning is unhappy existence. It's just limited and controlled through willpower. Without this control, id become the ultimate representation of living in the moment. There would be no past(SDAM) or the future(ADHD), just the random impulses the brain generates and this MF is untrustworthy POS.