In awe of my cat;  
the audacity to bat  
at the face of a god  
that has taken a nap.  
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[–] 2 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Very relatable :)

But if you want feedback, I guess that I expected a rhyme to god at the end of the last line.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 month ago (4 children)

    I tried to make it AAAA but with such a tight text it's hard to say what I want and get the rhyme scheme to cooperate. I settled for ABCB with cat as a circumstantial rhyme turning it into AABA 🤷 It winds up putting too much emphasis on god (story of my life...) but I'm pleased with how it scans at least.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago (3 children)

    yeah I bet that you tried haha. I will admit that I didn't try to find a better alternative. And at least you are god in this instance, so maybe the emphasis is not so bad.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 month ago (2 children)

    Fitting, perhaps. Humanity is the pantheon of the tiny Earth, we stand atop it and no other thing can match us for might. The wars of the gods bring vast communities to ruin, and then unremembered oblivion. It happens every time we poison an anthill, or build a power plant, or blow up a power plant. A god can be swatted in the face, or even killed, but the pantheon can only be stopped by a guardian deity, and that only some times. I try to be a guardian for those who cannot guard themselves, like my silly cat. A small god, but potent in my domain.

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