I really identify with the statement 'reserved and restrained'

Recalling moments in my life when strong expression of emotion were explicitly encouraged, and sometimes demanded for professional reasons--i generally was unable to do so or if I tried 'really hard' it would not come out in the way others might have been able to do so freely

Even laughing at jokes that I find funny is sometimes just not happening

But its not like a CO2 bottle building and building, though, its like empty pressure, like I dont have periodic violent outbursts or anything. However, at times, I was like CO2 bottle building pressure and it did come out with alcohol which have almost completely stopped consuming- but I also do not have the specific external stressor that was present at that time.