Wow my homie. This is a really sad thing to read. I'm not very social myself, but what I do get, I love. Have you ever been in love with someone? Had a best friend? Maybe you've only ever encountered jerks and morons. I'll admit I only have found like 10 people my whole life that I really love interacting with. But for those I still am in touch with, it's like, one of the best things about life. It's up there with food, orgasms, and art. I only ever have authentic interactions. I aggressively cut off all fake people or stupid people with very high standards. But my few friends, I looooove them. It's crazy to me to see someone thinking like your post, because I consider myself a fairly hermetic person. I mean I agree most socializing is a painful waste of life. But that stuff isn't even worthy of being under the same banner as the good stuff. I really hope you can find someone you love spending time with. I would advise you that it is super worthwhile and not to think otherwise.