There's even madmen in charge and arms dealers in Russia, don't you know? Sure that you know there's been conflict in the Crimea for centuries and there are some quite complex reasons why. I'm_ sorry that you feel that foreigners are out to get you and you need the ability to murderously exterminate them with nukes to feel safe - but each to their own.

But, when Vlad Putin is driving round my estate in a bright red sports car, the local Coop's a Magnit superstore and Mr and Mr Boloksoff have camped in my back garden and are eyeing up the sofa in my front room I'll apologise and say "Blimey, we really shoud have turned Eastern Europe to ashes in a huge cloud of atomic radiation when had the chance! Bastards!"