I nearly died. They say I must journey into the AUR realm for legacy GPU drivers, and I would have fallen into the text-only abyss had I updated days later (assuming I had not heard the news). My internet is too slow for regular updates. Continue onwards without me, I'll just rest here at this long-outdated version.

Generally I don't think rolling release is the issue itself (I have been using it for years), but it seems like every packaging/updating scheme out there sucks for one reason or another. Every time something looks like it has the answer, there is something else that works contrary to what is expected/desired.