37
Those of you who like to doll up for no particular reason, can you share a bit of your internal experience when you do it, look at the mirror etc.? (multiverse.soulism.net)
submitted 7 months ago by to c/trans@lemmy.blahaj.zone
15 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I barely manage to make myself look human for a grocery store trip. I like the aesthetics of certain bracelets or rings I have but I don't really wear them. I like certain makeup looks but without a reason I don't put any on. I'd like to, but the effort to benefit ratio isn't there for me. Unless I'm meeting people I care about, I just do the bare minimum to look like a hygienic person.

Tell me your secrets.

Edit: Sorry, thanks for all your replies. It was a bit harder to read this than I expected.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [S] 2 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Thanks for sharing all that though.

For me, it feels like... why even bother. I'm not pretty so trying to make myself pretty feels kinda pathetic. Ideally I'd accept that about myself but it's hard when I feel that's a big part of my solitude. It actively interferes with social needs. Not helped by somewhat introverted personality and autistic tendencies.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 3 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago* (2 children)

    Yep, I'm exactly the same way: I feel I'm too ugly to bother with makeup, I'm introverted, I'm not diagnosed but probably autistic.

    Those are sorta mental hurdles to overcome, though - developing that skill so that the makeup you manage to put on is beautifying and feminizing is still worth it. It doesn't really matter how ugly you are, using makeup the right way will help. (If anything the logic flows the other way, the uglier you are, the more makeup is necessary and helpful; I certainly used makeup a lot more earlier in my transition, and less later in my transition.)

    In early transition, makeup was an essential lifeline and a way to survive, and good makeup was a difference between passing or not. Now that I'm viewed as female whether I wear makeup or not, I just don't have to do as much.

    To get out of your rut, if you feel motivated to, I would lean on your community more - go to trans support groups and LGBT+ events, go to pride parades, etc. and make friends. Find a femme and see if she will teach you how to do makeup. Let femmes put makeup on you. Then as you're learning from those experiences, start watching makeup tutorials and trying out the suggestions you find - particularly geared towards trans women and feminizing the face.

    Once your skills are good enough, the makeup will be self-justifying, you won't have all these questions about why to bother - because you'll know why, because the makeup makes you look pretty, more like a woman, etc.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] [S] 1 point 7 months ago (1 child)

    Problem is that make up washes off. I have learned how to alter how my face appears etc. but in the end of the day, I know what I'll see in the mirror - which would also be what another person would see and have to accept. I'm terrified of the idea of making myself look nice with various tricks and then be a disappointment.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago*

    I don't know what to tell you - ultimately makeup can't solve deeper dysphoric issues, but that's why you orient your life to make what changes you can, e.g. with HRT and surgeries.

    Makeup can (however temporarily) make some of those issues easier to deal with, and those pragmatic and personal benefits are not nothing simply because they're temporary.

    Your comment comes across as defeatist and like self-sabotage, as a kind of rationalizing why you shouldn't make an effort to feel better or improve your situation.

    For context, makeup skills also accumulate to the point that they can significantly help your confidence and happiness in most social situations. That you might be disappointed by what you see in the mirror after you've taken the makeup off before you go to bed is something every woman faces, whether trans or not - and while it's generally worse for trans women, we are still stuck with the choice to try to make the improvements we can make or not.

    I think it's obvious that it's better to choose to try to make the improvements you can make than to choose to "lie down and rot", which helps nothing and is entirely unnecessary. Life can be so much better, I encourage you to suspend judgement and seek a better life whether the outcome is guaranteed or not. It's worth trying.

    For me, transition is about affirming life and seeing the possibility in life - if I wanted to lie down and rot I wouldn't bother with transition at all, and I would continue living my life as I did pre-transition (basically looking for any excuse to die). While I still strongly feel people should have the right to make that choice, I recognize that I only felt that way because I was repressing and refusing to take care of myself. Now I recognize that transition is a part of being a good and responsible person, as it helps me stay motivated to take care of myself so I don't end up in the ER and burdening the people I care about.

    So, maybe you haven't hit rock bottom enough yet to convince you that "lie down and rot" thinking is harmful to not just you but everyone else, but I hope you are able to find a way to feel motivated to take care of yourself and seek happiness - life can be so much better. :-)

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent