A lot of the discussions I had with mental health professionals were largely me telling then the things I thought would get me bottom surgery. I thought and was told that I needed bottom surgery to be valid. I was told many things, including that it was required for legal gender change, and that I could be assaulted by someone for having the wrong genitals.
I never actually felt any dysphoria about my penis or testicles, I was told that "numbness" is a form of dysphoria and that I would feel better once I was post-OP but it felt like the worst decision in my life. I was told that's normal and I would feel better as I heal but I didn't it just got worse.
I thought that getting bottom surgery would be as people said, that it would suck while I was healing but it would get better and I would feel more like a woman. I don't feel any more or less like a woman than before but I do feel disgusted and disgusting about what I have now, and I feel sad and miss having a dick and balls.
I hate those cis people you talk of, they are disgusting. They gave me so much fake support on Reddit and all of them told me that I feel bad because I'm a boy and just coping by pretending to be a girl. They refused to call me she/her pronouns saying I need to heal from the delusion. Fuck those people. I hate those people. I probably do need to see a therapist, I don't want to see the ones I was seeing before. They just told me to give it time and that I would adjust. That going through this is normal. Even when I came in one day with stitches in my hand because I broke my bedroom mirror out or disgust and sadness of seeing myself naked after the shower.