676
eggshells all the way down (lemmy.ca)
submitted 8 months ago by to c/me_irl@lemmy.world
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[–] 20 points 8 months ago (7 children)

I think it sets that up with the first sentence, that this isn’t every household. This doesn’t describe my childhood, but it does describe my wife’s, where the abusers’ moods were a matter of safety. She still struggles with people pleasing, which served her then, but doesn’t so much anymore

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  • [+] -9 points 8 months ago* (6 children)

    yes, this is why I said "I see where this is coming from" but I still find the framing completely irresponsible

    I participate heavily in pretty much every aspect of my house (I am just more of a "high energy" person compared with my wife) Sometimes, I feel down and do get quiet. If my kids (grown already) noticed and tried to cheer me up, I would take that as an incredible sign of love and affection as it is a sign of emotional maturity from them as well as a healthy display of empathy.

    What is described in this post, seems to me a normal household where humans, not robots, live.

    Completely different story about parents whose mood swings go from loving to beaters, for example... but again, the wording of the post frames very normal human behaviour as abusive

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  • [–] 12 points 8 months ago (3 children)

    What is described in this post, seems to me a normal household where humans, not robots, live.

    The tone of the post implies an abusive environment. Especially the last sentence.

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  • [–] -4 points 8 months ago (2 children)

    That's my point. They insinuate an abusive environment but then lay out a perfectly normal one.

    It's like implying anyone who has a zip of beer is a ranging violent alcoholic

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  • [–] 4 points 8 months ago* (1 child)

    No, it's not. They describe an abusuve household explicitly. They aren't talking just about everyone trying to cheer someone down up. They're also talking about when an entire household goes tense because the matriarch gets in a bad mood and everyone is waiting for things to explode.

    Just because there is some overlap between behaviors and events with a normal household does not change the fact that they explicitly stated they are talking about an abusive one. You are willfully ignoring one of the maybe three sentences in order to have a completely different interpretation.

    For some more context, because you're willfully ignoring it at this point:

    This is like the difference between "I feel very sad sometimes" and "I am not capable of deriving joy from things that regularly used to bring me joy, and this lack of joy and near omnipresent sadness is impacting my ability to navigate life". One is normal, the other is depression.

    People having basic awareness of the emotions of others they live with is normal. Memorizing the sound of each individual's footfalls and how they open a door so that you can instantly know who is where and who specifically is stomping around aggressively on the other side of the house so that you can prepare yourself and the space your in to minimize the incoming firestorm... that's not normal, that's survival.

    Short internet post screenshots are never going to capture the full nuance of a statement and are a poor mediun for things like this, but at the very least you can choose not to ignore part of what little is there to push your own interpretation.

    You could also take a quick scroll through the other comments in this thread and get a good overview of many other aspects of this and the myriad disordered behaviors that people who grow up in the type of household being described end up developing. In short, read the god damned room.

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  • [–] 0 points 8 months ago

    No, it’s not. They describe an abusuve household explicitly.

    can you point me to that part?

    They’re also talking about when an entire household goes tense because the matriarch gets in a bad mood and everyone is waiting for things to explode.

    Actually they do not, they insinuate that but they NEVER say what you are interpreting.

    "someone's mood could change the entire atmosphere of a house" -> In a loving caring household, mom and dad and eldest kids are dancing and having fun when youngest kid arrives in tears... a loving caring household would cater to such scenario and the entire atmosphere would change as they have empathy for the young kid and this is a GOOD THING!...

    See how what was described is entirely too vague? I once again repeat, I understand what the post was going for, I am just complaining it is very poorly written and fear people would attribute abuse to family members that are not abusive in anyway

    Just because there is some overlap between behaviors and events with a normal household does not change the fact that they explicitly stated they are talking about an abusive one.

    Again, please point to the explicit part

    People having basic awareness of the emotions of others they live with is normal. Memorizing the sound of each individual’s footfalls and how they open a door so that you can instantly know who is where and who specifically is stomping around aggressively on the other side of the house so that you can prepare yourself and the space your in to minimize the incoming firestorm… that’s not normal, that’s survival.

    And where is this described in the post? the dad being quite during dinner? OMG the abuse is staggering!

    Short internet post screenshots are never going to capture the full nuance of a statement and are a poor mediun for things like this, but at the very least you can choose not to ignore part of what little is there to push your own interpretation.

    And they should be shut down then because vulnerable people would swallow this up and make their lives way worse

    You could also take a quick scroll through the other comments in this thread...

    I once again repeat, I understand what the post was going for, I am just complaining it is very poorly written and fear people would attribute abuse to family members that are not abusive in anyway

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  • [–] 11 points 8 months ago* (1 child)

    Not everything has to be about you. See all the other posts on this thread and accept it resonates with their experiences.

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  • [–] 1 point 8 months ago*

    What? it is 1000% not about me. The examples I gave from my life were an attempt to show how this post would fit even in a benign, emotionally healthy household... and therefore possibly paint it as abusive

    For the last time (I have written this about 9 times by now) I did understand the post, I know exactly what they meant because, as other have pointed out, when you have lived it you recognize it.

    My problem is that is so poorly written, I think vulnerable people may misconstrue it and wind up painting their parents as abusive when they are not... or, perhaps worse, paint empathy as a bad thing (which is a fashionable thing to do from all the toxic alpha male influencers nowadays)

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