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Anon changes his strategy (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 8 months ago by to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (7 children)

i just wish more would actually say no instead of saying "thanks" or something neutral like that

i can take rejection but thanks comes off like "eh. maybe, but you seem kind of lame/weird", which in my head becomes a challenge to show them your not lame. which is a thin line between trying to convince them to give you a shot vs being pushy/creepy, if that thanks was meant as a "no thanks".

as an autist, it frustrates me when people don't just say what they mean.

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  • [–] 5 points 8 months ago (5 children)

    I get it though, even if only 1% of men react violently to direct rejection, it makes sense to be careful. Not a lottery you want to play.

    So much of dating dynamic feels like it's just been ruined by a few assholes, and the internet giving those assholes more reach only exacerbates it.

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  • [–] 7 points 8 months ago (3 children)

    I don’t think its just a few assholes. Men react badly to rejection REGULARLY, to the point that every woman I know has been threatened or screamed at by men they have rejected kindly. I’ve even witnessed it happen on several occasions with strangers and to my friends and have had to step in. And not just a few times, like I can think of ten times at least where I’ve had to involve myself when seeing something like that happen.

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  • [–] 6 points 8 months ago*

    With the amount of random attention from men women get, the rate doesn't have to be very high for it to be regular, particularly when you add selection bias that people who react like that are probably more likely to approach someone in the first place.

    And while I would agree it's probably higher than 1%, 1% really sounds lower than it is - that would be 40 million people globally. If it's 5% it's 200 million and there are still almost 4 billion that are completely normal.

    The sad reality is that it just doesn't take high numbers for that kind of experience to be a regular occurence.

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  • [–] 4 points 8 months ago (1 child)

    Hell, even in healthy relationships. I noticed my husbands mental health was getting rough, so I tried to bring it up. He got so defensive so fast, tried to flip it on me when he got panicky.

    We talked that incident out, but people seem to generally just get defensive about sensitive things all the time, like reflexively. Unless you've done extensive inner work, it's how it goes. How many avoidants walk this earth christ

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  • [–] 4 points 8 months ago

    Yes my wife does similar things to me when I do that with her. I can also think back to times where I’ve been overly defensive about things I’m insecure about. But none of those were related to women wanting to be with me.

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  • [–] 3 points 8 months ago

    Yes, but they do that because men freak out and threaten them when they just flatly say no. And it’s terrifying when that happens. It’s not them being rude of flaky or obtuse to try and be annoying, rejecting a man is potentially dangerous and they are in the shitty position where they have to mitigate that danger.

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