The joke is that this speech, imo tastefully read in the voice of a sinister anime villain, is an utterly ridiculous thing for a person to say. It doesn't even make sense, really. That's why it's funny, it's funny that it doesn't make any sense.

I would know. This saying things that almost make sense kinda but really, really don't thing is, like, my whole brand. It's damn near the only joke I tell.

I once boasted to a friend of mine "my pussy is huge. Cavernous, even. I could fit a hundred cigarettes in there." Now, a vagina? Cigarettes? Disgusting! Why would I say that? Because measuring a vagina's diameter in how many cigarettes it can, I dunno, smoke at once? is absurd. It's ridiculous. It doesn't even make sense, really.