With the way it kept escalating, I kept waiting for something even more bizarrely hateful and ignorant, but thankfully, the article ended. I took the liberty of editing a passage to showcase my perspective on the logic here. Edited sections are in CAPS:

Many on the cultural right are forgetting something critical: LESBIAN marriage doesn’t infringe upon anyone else’s rights. A crucial argument against MALE GAY MARRIAGE was the infringement on women’s rights. But unlike GAY MALE edge cases such as INTERIOR DECORATING or FLORISTS, LESBIAN marriage isn’t a zero-sum issue. There isn’t a finite number of spots on the “LESBIAN marriage SALON team.” My getting married takes nothing away from straight couples. And I will fight for my right to do so just as fiercely as I fought against OTHER MINORITY ideologies that threatened MY INSULAR, SELFISH WORLDVIEW other American values.