And of course especially in moments in high emotion everyone is TALK TO ME

Ugh, this is the worst. Like, I don’t want to appear snippy to those who are trying to help me, but insisting I talk in that moment is going to guarantee “an attitude” in my tone and words that don’t make sense (and that I can’t explain in the moment.) As well, every word I utter will feel “wrong” in my heart, only being emitted due to coersion, soon to be followed by regret. All because language production in my brain has checked out - my mind’s too fogged to edit my speech properly, and I can’t access the words that fit appropriately. So any word salad that comes out will be more confusing than silence.

Then when my tone is off, I feel bad for making other people feel bad, and it’s a vicious cycle of stress and self-disgust.

After the event mentioned in my last comment, the upper management directly asked how they could help me in those times. I said, “Don’t try to make me talk. Instead, get me somewhere where I can be alone for a few minutes.” So that’s the plan in place now.