"List of Items Which Fall Through the Letter Box After I’m Dead

A letter inviting me to apply for a gold credit card at 17 % APR;

A bill from the Electricity company for £46.22;

A voucher entitling me to enjoy any king size pizza for £4.99 (garlic bread not included);

A letter sent to the wrong person, she no longer lives here;

An advertisement from a bank, promising the lowest rate mortgage available;

Some dust;

A postcard from a long forgotten girlfriend;

A demand for council tax from Islington Borough Council;

An offer to invest in Jupiter’s high income fund ISA;

A reminder from Central Islington Library concerning overdue books;

More dust, leaves too;

A First Direct bank statement, showing a credit balance of 342.39;

A birthday card, (unopened)."