To me, racism is an objective social condition to overcome. Race has a quality that is very personal to people so it can't be overlooked. I take it very seriously but I dont want to reduce all society's problems to race. You seem aware that doing so creates its own problems, I agree with the sentiment but does not warrant complete dismissal of race and racism as objective social conditions. It is an over correction.
Because of this over correction, you see racism and anti-racism as qualities of the other, in this case, i am an other with an anti-racist quality.
Rather than fighting a system of racism, that exists as part of a larger system of oppression, you seem to have adopted a posture that any mention of race or racism is a personal failing, an idea that can be defeated with individual logic, rather than an objective condition to be fought with solidarity and practice. Because racism is everywhere, you see anti-racism everywhere, but since it is, to you, only an individual opinion in other people, your only course of action is to respond to them one-on-one. In order to avoid appearing explicitly racist, and to effectively .debate your own alienated opinions against others, you have to steel man and think about this stuff all the time.
I don't have to do that. I just listen to people, read books, and report on my own limited understanding. I don't have to work half as hard because my perspective doesn't disappear other people's experiences, it naturally includes them. I don't have to search frantically for details to question, or ways to feel superior. I can just listen and discuss. If done correctly I don't frustrate myself or other people nearly as much, I can just be dumb and live my life and speak my mind, and if there's something new I need to learn, I can just do that instead of frantically rejecting objective truth in order to maintain attachment to a system that hates and oppresses us.
I can have strong principles and take care of my friends and family, unlike the millions of families who lost a loved one to racist conspiracy theories like qanon. People who thought they had the world figured out while losing what really matters while selling themselves and their communities out for a glimpse of a false feeling of community.
In other words I've known a lot of different kinds of people, and the ones who are most distracted, haunted, and sad, are the ones who buy into the lies presented to us by the oligarchy and their proxies.
I just hate to see someone work so hard to remain attached to dastardly, corrosive lies. But of course I am clearly an over thinker so maybe I lie to myself a little as well, to justify my own individualistic indulgence.