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What does it feel like to be a horny man? (feddit.uk)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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[–] 1 point 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Interesting. Sounds like you're more towards asexual (I'm obviously no doctor). That will definitely be more rare, but I'm sure there are dating sites dedicated to finding like minded people.

With your desires being almost non existant, maybe it would be worth talking to a doctor to see if your hormones are in check. The people in this thread are talking about the far end of horniness because it's intense and therefore more explainable. If you had a slight imbalance and corrected it I don't think you will become a sex starved animal, likely you'd go to a once a month person.

Anyway, wish you the best of luck, I found this interesting :)

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 year ago* (2 children)

    It might well be that I’m asexual - that’s more or less how I identify. But the conflict there is my porn use. Would a truly asexual person get this addicted to porn? I doubt it. I suspect this might be something I’ve conditioned myself into rather than something I was born with. I started watching porn long before I ever had sex, so I don’t really remember a time when I had a “normal” libido that later faded because of porn. Still, there does seem to be some correlation with increasing porn use and decrease in the little interest I've had in sex.

    I’ve been off porn and masturbation for about a month now. That's the longest time since I was 13 or so. I’ll keep running this experiment for a while and see if anything changes and then go from there. I’ve had blood tests done before, and my testosterone levels are normal. Go figure.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Yeah, it is an odd combination to be sure. One thing we haven't talked too much about is the emotional nature of sex. When you get down to it, urges, orgasms, dopamine rushes, those are all the biological components of sex and you're right, it can be accomplished solo.

    The emotional side however is completely different. If you see sex with another as a chore, it does kind of imply you're lacking the emotional side of the equation, or don't enjoy intimacy. Do you like kissing or do you see that as gross? Could be more going on here than just yout libido. Maybe that's what you should focus on and the rest might come in time?

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 year ago

    Her orgasm has always been the goal for me - not my own pleasure. I’ve just struggled to enjoy sex because I’m too stuck in my head, focused on pleasing her. That inevitably leads to performance anxiety, which then causes all the usual physical issues - trying not to finish too early, or struggling to get or stay hard. Those bad experiences create a negative feedback loop that eventually makes me resent the whole thing. Ironically, if I’d just been a bit more “selfish” about it, we both probably would’ve enjoyed it more. I’ve just been trying too hard.

    There’s also a mismatch between what’s expected of me as a man and what I actually enjoy. I’m not particularly dominant, and being “on top” doesn’t always feel like my place. If I were with a more dominant woman - or a man - it might flip the dynamic entirely. Right now, I just feel like I’m “forced” to play a role I’m not comfortable with. I’ve even started considering dating a guy, just to see if it would feel different. I’m not sure I can develop romantic feelings for a man, but the fact that I’m even open to the idea probably says something.

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