Plus, everything that reminds me of him will cause me to start sobbing.
For me it was fleeing the pain that caused such a constant high state of allertness, and restlessness, and in a self-fulfilling way: pain.
The solution for me was to sob, and cry, and feel it. All. 🤍
Don't need to open the floodgates, but don't pretend there isn't enormous pressure on the levies either. Release the pressure, at a comfortable rate.