I’m not going to find anyone in this red state. If my ex hadn’t also managed to max out my credit cards before kicking me out, I would be able to escape. I will never get out, I will never experience love or compassion again, I exist as a ball of misery that screams at people to try to prevent anyone from going through the torture I have experienced. I do not exist as a human being that is capable of receiving love, I am an object of anger that attempts to point myself like a gun at the people who hurt others to give my sad and miserable life meaning and purpose.
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