All of that makes sense. As long as there's room for the basic necessity of defending oneself, it feels like there's less daylight between our viewpoints than you're imagining - at least in practical terms. It becomes a matter of how best to defend against fascism.
For my part the strategy has been to build a new life as far away from the US as feasible. The work has not been easy and the solutions have not been ideal, but I feel it does have the moral purity you were hoping to convince me of.
I feel privileged to have the option not to do any actual fighting, yet, but a part of me cannot help but wonder what hope we have as a species if you're right - can enough of us be wise, gentle, brave, and resilient enough for a true and lasting peace to take hold? We live in strange times but that might be the strangest thing of all, if I lived to see it.