cant speak to the rectal route, but prog seems to keep the t down and can play a complementary role to daily spiro if youre on weekly estradiol injections and want to reduce the risk of potassium buildup that might happen if you did high spiro doses instead. as for the feminizing effects of prog itself, it might help or it might not.

as for mental health, i find blood pressure to be the main difference ive noticed (with spiro specifically but also hrt more generally), but at normal female hormone levels the difference isnt that noticeable. there are peaks and troughs that go with the doses and schedule of anything you take

I'm a transfem who, once long ago, took an aikido class. I totally get violence. It can be very gratifying. I probably couldn't win any fight, but I like the idea of being handled by a big guy. What you're describing with the motorcycles and such almost sounds like leather culture, which I definitely have engaged with.

As a transfem I can say with certainty that I have had the same experiences. I'm not saying you should transition, I'm only saying that the behavior you've described doesn't fit a masculine stereotype. This is good, because gender roles are for the straights.

At the same time, there is something to be said for male socialization taking away some forms of emotional expression that could harm your ability to connect to other people. If you come across as stoic or quiet or overly self-conscious, you're seen as someone who dislikes people. Obviously you aren't, but this is a perception I struggle with as well. Arguably this difficulty in making friends isn't a queer issue at all, it's just a personality thing that you can work on by building confidence and doing more therapy.

Yes this is gay and yes Spongebob has a large gay audience. You usually don't make a quick meal like soup for a friend you're not fucking or in love with. Squidward was always a gay-coded character. While this relationship portrayal is incredibly sweet, I've always disliked Patrick and I don't personally ship them.

had dreams of getting fucked by demons, woke up hard

I had one day of sex education in elementary in the early 2000s. The seminar was gender-segregated and consisted of a video from the 80s

True for bisexuals in general, but bisexual twinks are always welcome.

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way! You look super cute and super sad. If you aren't already, you could cosider dating a girl who could provide some affirmation and help with beauty and such. From that photo, everything seems physiologically perfect, but I do get a certain vibe that is consistent with the things you've said. If you want some advice from random people here, I have some pointers:

• The emo/goth look does nothing to make you less depressed
• Try dyeing your hair
• Try wearing lighter colors
• Smile! :)

You look great! I hope fascist fashion isn't the new thing. I want to wear my electric blues, fishnet gloves, tights, and microskirts.

You look amazing! And you look quite dressed up by Oregon standards. Is that considered business-casual?

If they're attracted to me as nonbinary would be almost as validating as attraction to me as a woman. People who call themselves gay or straight seldom adhere completely to their orientations. Today I became friends with another transgirl, one far prettier than I am, and I would fill any gender role to be with someone like her, and I have compromised my gender by butching it up before, and it was a worthy sacrifice. My desire is greater than my self-respect.

That's awesome! I "dated" a straight guy once, meaning I stopped by to give him a blowjob. I personally like the vibes of gay guys and would consider appealing to androsexuals as a fem a victory, as that would mean my appeal transcends appearance and gender.