When questioned further, the man admitted to using a percussive massage gun around and directly on both his eyes, for several minutes at a time, every week for 3 months, to relieve the feeling of tiredness.

Damn, WTF

Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize their vote counts the same as yours

George Carlin, probably

Does anyone have any peer reviewed studies about hitting yourself in the dick with a hammer repeatedly. Just a little unsure about what it's doing to my body?

"Stop punching yourself" as a mandatory medical warning wasn't on my bullshit bingo this year.

If you are strained... forget about yogurt and other stool softener! Just take your massager and switch over to the butthole sandpaper attachment!

Hahahaha

We need a massive double blind study to be sure

Duh

It's crazy that we have to tell people that a punch to the eye can cause serious damage, but here we are.

Cross post to not the onion

What about a vibrator?...asking for a friend

Looksmaxxers in shambles.

I was going to stuff it somewhere else but ok

Big if true

But the brrrr is so good :(