We're working on it. Oceans are taking up more CO2 every day

The oceans have plenty of CO2, the stuff that makes soda fizzy. The ocean is actually one of the largest CO2 sinks on earth. The ocean also has plenty of bubbles to make it "fizzy", but there is a fuckton more volume of liquid that you don't get the fizz like a soda as a general rule. So not quite flat as you say.

Omg!!! A true showerthought, you say? In the showerthoughts community? I believed they were extinct! Thank you!!!

The earth's oceans are essentially condensation on the side of a can, the real earth soda is beneath the crust.