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I'm starting to think my uncle is an incel. (lemmings.world)
submitted 10 months ago by to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world
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My uncle is very right-wing, racist, and a bit transphobic, as he thinks I'll always be a girl. Here's the thing: he apparently beat his ex-wife, causing her to leave his house and eventually divorce him. Since then, for about 13 years, he complains about not having her as a wife despite already having a new wife, can't move on, and BLAMES HIS EX-WIFE for not wanting him anymore and thinks women are inherently evil.

He also thinks women are meant to "obey" him and kinda uses his current wife for her money. And beat her too...

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[–] 25 points 10 months ago (10 children)

I mean, "incel" and "misogynist" are largely interchangeable, but incels are typically young cis-men virgins. But yeah, a lot of those young men aren't having sex because they're chuds like your uncle is.

Hope he bites it soon.

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 10 months ago (3 children)

    Ohhh, that's understandable, thank you! Yeah, he always expects me to be there for him and text him all the time too even when I'm busy and he gets upset when I don't.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago

    Hey there, just want to gently say that someone older than you in your family should be getting support from their own friends/people their age. They go to nieces/nephews/younger adults and kids for emotional support because they want to extract validation that's not fair to you. And if he seems fixated on you and demands you text him a lot that is controlling and inappropriate at best, potentially creepy at worst. He is grown, he does not need you and should not be expecting so much from a younger relation, even if you're an adult. You should be spending your emotional energy on your own life. I played this game with various aunts and my parents and my parents' friends for years and it took me a while to realize how fucked up certain things were. His problems are not your problems, your life and your time belong to you, you never have to reply to anyone ever, he is old enough to manage upset feelings without you.

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  • [–] 10 points 10 months ago* (5 children)

    I wouldnt say interchangeable but more often than not both are paired together.

    Incel = Involuntarily Celibate

    Misogynist = A person who hates women

    They compliment each other as "qualities" of a person and generally create a feedback loop in the losers bracket, intensifying each one until maximum power is achieved in both.

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  • [–] 0 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    Square's a rectangle. I know what the words mean, I'm saying that one is predicated by the other. If you are an incel, you are a misogynist, and many misogynists only have sex because of advantageous social constraints on women, which is apparently the case with OP's pos uncle. Nobody who is just socially awkward and has a hard time having sex identifies themself as an incel, the "celibacy" in men who do is just a vector to express aggrieved entitlement to sex.

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  • [–] -1 points 10 months ago (3 children)

    No thats not even remotely true.

    I assume you must know every living human condition to come to that statement?

    There is an entire community dedicated to "femcels" - do they all hate women?

    Youre putting an additional horrible personality trait on to people that are ordinary people who otherwise struggle to find intimacy with others.

    Saying the two are one and the same or saying if one then also the other is ignorant as fuck and doesnt help anyone.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago (2 children)

    Hoooo boy. I don't know what to start explaining to you if you don't know that women can both internalise and engage in misogyny. Even more shocking, they can even victimize other women with misogyny. Crazy stuff out there, look up terfs when you have time; they're not hard to find.

    This all reads like a person who is deeply uncomfortable accepting that people they empathize with are also harmful. No, you do not need omniscience to correctly deduce that a person who willfully identifies with an infamously and obnoxiously misogynistic group does not see misogyny as a deal breaker. Y'know what we call people who don't view misogyny as a deal breaker?

    Misogynists.

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  • [–] -1 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Ok you seem to be currently incapable of understanding what I'm actually saying.

    Of course women can be misogynists.

    You are lumping it all together as one category when it's plainly not one category. That is as simple as I can make it for you. You can have as many internet points as you like trying to sound as intelligent as possible and skirting around my point while putting words in my mouth.

    I wish you much happiness.

    Goodbye

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    • [–] 19 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    Keep in mind: your blood relatives are just a starter pack for an adventuring party. You're totally okay ditching party members if they're counter productive and add members as needed.

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