Writing a wikipedia article about themselves is another distinguishing feature of humans.

Chickens are absolutely furious

I get the joke, but the sources aren't self-published. They're published by an instance other than the author and that's good enough, that's what the self‐publishing rule is about.

The COI can hardly apply to members of a fairly broad group writing about the group. By that logic, Americans shouldn't write about the USA, only gay people could write about heterosexuality, etc.

Conflict of interest (COI) editing involves contributing to Wikipedia articles about yourself, family, friends, clients, employers, or your financial and other relationships.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Conflict_of_interest

I swear I'm not this insufferably unfunny most of the time.

I now and then "let" my cat write on the keyboard, but he's always rejected for some obscure claim like "illegible".

Apes scare me. Chimpanzee are aggressive little fuckers. New world primates can be pretty cute though.

Whatever species digs up our remains.