That's a crude joke

No processed foods, true vegans eat crude oil and raw uranium for their daily calorie intake

• Coal is made from plants.

• Oil is made from plankton and algae.

• Natural gas is made from microorganisms.

I believe all three have a small chance of also being made from an animal. But I wasn't able to verify that part.

Yes. No animal was intentionally harmed or killed to be turned into oil. This puts it in the same category as foraged deer antlers or cicada wings, or I guess compost where you found a squirrel carcass and added it to the pile.

You could argue that animals are harmed by the process of extracting and burning fossil fuels, and thus it's not vegan. But this isn't very convincing to me, since that's a secondary effect and not necessary to the process of consuming fossil fuels. (Or at least not necessary in the same way that killing chickens is necessary in order to make chicken sandwiches, for example.) And if you start worrying about a big web of consequences of your actions, then it seems like you're mostly just adding stress to your life without actually making the world a better place.

The definition from the vegan society is:

Veganism is a philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude—as far as is possible and practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of animals, humans and the environment. In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals.

Is climate change cruel to animals? It's not intentional harm, but it causes suffering. People will weigh that differently based on the ethical framework (deontology - utilitarianism spectrum).

Going on vacation by plane arguably isn't vegan from a utilitarian perspective. Deontologists might still see it as vegan.

If someone needs to drive a car and can't afford an EV, it's not practical to avoid fossil fuels in this case. So that would be vegan either way.

I think the "avoiding as far as possible and practicable" principle also makes a lot of sense for the use of fossil fuels by environmentalists.

They're pretty much all made of plant matter, but that's irrelevant. What makes it vegan or not is whether you cause harm to the fauna by using it and creating demand for it.

Gelato isn't vegan?!

No, they release harmful gases into the air which harm animals.