The fiery pit of despair at the terminus of the downtown Seattle bike route is officially the area’s second portal to hell after the first opened last year at the SeaTac Airport Cell Phone Parking Lot.

The SeaTac portal is for cars though, not bikes. Also, it's a lot harder to navigate through hell there because you're in a car.

These bicyclists will never understand the struggle of driving a car safely. Speaking from experience, the SeaTac portal is one of the worst, especially because during holidays and weekends the staff at SeaTac move the portal to where the road leads to the terminal. You can tell they've moved it when you see the dozens of cars parked with their hazards in the shoulder (the one with a big sign saying "emergency parking only").

(And yes, /s)

This is a fantastic read that seems to come straight out of a Dirk Gently novel... But I am completely confused and have the feeling that I am missing some crucial information?

The ones I typically see are mounted on the side, parallel with the crosswalk.