Yes, it is August. Yes, I know. I don’t make the rules.

Can we talk a bit about the mad variance in Santa pricing and experience, and how the two don’t link up at all?

I’ve just spent nearly £50 booking “breakfast with Santa” at a local garden centre because, despite being nearly fifty flipping quid, it isn’t that much more expensive than breakfast for the family without Santa at the same place, and also includes games and balloons for the kids.

There are places near me that sold out last year offering £10 per child for a quick sit on the lap and the customary cheap tat, and had the brass cheek to charge a tenner per parent as well. They couldn’t possibly allow parents to see their child goggling in awe as the God of Christmas asks them what they want without monetising that experience, could they?